1:44 p.m. - 2007-02-23
Science Friction
"It's my first time," he said, looking at her through his thick, nerdy glasses. "Do you mind if I put some music on?"
"Put on whatever you want," she purred lustily. She'd taken the job at the bookstore with fine young nerdmeat like this in mind. This many years past menopause, she wanted men who would be grateful for any sex they got, not ones who would criticize her sad, wrinkly funbags for not being fun anymore or the lifeless, shriveled desert she once called a vagina.
"Goody!" said Ken, and ran over to his computer, spastically clacking his keyboard. The soundtrack for "Jurassic Park" began booming through his speakers.
"Yes!" he said, turning around to face her, arms akimbo. "Now I will perform my own genetic experiment!"
He looked at her to see if she'd gotten the joke.
"With my penis," he said.
She nodded.
"And your vagina," he finished. "Together."
"Just so we're clear, honey," she said, "there hasn't been a danger of pregnancy down there since Ghostbusters 2 came out."
"That's what you think," Ken said boastfully. "When you waddle home tonight, you'll have a hundred babies fighting for elbow room."
He licked his lips.
"In your uterus. Is where the babies will be. Fighting."
"Darling, you couldn't baby me up with Superman's wang. Now hurry up and get undressed. I gotta get back to work soon."
The Jurassic Park theme ended with a crescendo and the Doctor Who theme took its place. Ken shimmied out of his underwear and dove onto ths futon.
"Booooo-WEEEEEEE-oooooooooo!" shouted Ken, onomatopoeically singing along as he pushed his purpling Doctor into her aging Tardis. "Weeeeeee-ooooooo!"
Linda laid back and hoped her osteoporosis could survive his jackhammering. "Faster, baby, faster," she cooed huskily.
"But this is how fast the song goes," he whined, stopping mid-thrust. Looking off into the distance, he said, "If you give me half an hour, I can code a plugin that will allow me to control the tempo of the MP3 playback with my Wiimote."
"Why don't you let me control your playback tempo by handling your Wiimote?" she said.
"How would that work?" Ken asked.
A minute passed silently.
"Ohhhh. You mean my penis."
"Yes."
"Naah, I think I'll just work on the plugin. That's more fun. I guess I'm just not good at sex," he said, ejaculating. "Do I still get the 10% discount on Star Trek novels?"
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